


Jack-Butt

by Kosei



Category: Rockman | Mega Man Classic
Genre: Best Friends, But it kinda is, Crack, Friendship, Gay, YouTube, hyadain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2020-05-12 02:23:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19219651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kosei/pseuds/Kosei
Summary: Crash and Bombman have their own youtube channel called "jack-butt" where they do stupid shit and throw pipi at abandoned buildings.No plot, just funny robot do things.





	1. the boys go to 7/11

**Author's Note:**

> Is that Ryan McGee from supermega?!

“My names Crashman.”  
“My names Bombman.”  
“And you’re watching JACKBUTT!”

*epic intro .mp3 here*

Live and learn plays over footage of them failing at parkour, Crash exploding shit with his drills, and finally Bomb doing a sick ollie on his skateboard. (which they later broke by throwing it against the wall)  
*OH YEAH. mp3.*

“Yo wazzzzup bros. It’s your home sausage Bomb-“ he points at himself and smirks, “with Crash the camera- wait how are you holding that- OH SHIT!”

*A good 15 seconds of static later*  
Crash was now in front of the camera.  
“It’s Crash your diggity dog and e p i c camera man bomb doing e p i c cameraman…” he paused, “... things.” He finished lamely.  
“Hell yeah.” said bomb, behind the camera.  
“Soooo… what are we doing today Bomb?” asked crash, making it clear he had no idea what he’s doing.  
“Well, I thought we could chuck some whatever-the-fuck those exploding bird things are called-”  
“Pipi?”  
“That’s a gay-ass name. But yeah. Those. “  
“But we already did that. “  
“Oh shit, yeah I forgot about that. I’m hungry, let’s go to... I don’t know, what’s nearby?”  
“I could check.”  
“Nah man, you still use dial-up that shit takes forever.”  
“YOU TAKE FOREVER!” his face was suddenly red and he flew into a fit, throwing bombs and screaming on top of his lungs.  
“CALM DOWN CRASH, CALM-” The image went into static again and the picture finally went clear after a good minute.

“-Where can we use a computer?” Crashman asked.  
“Only at the most epic place to ever exist. “ Bomb responded coyly.  
“The library! “ they both said at the same time. 

*epic spinny text.wav*  
Rainbow text spun around that read “the library” while the background was a picture of a stock picture of a boy holding a book and giving a thumbs up. 

“Alright dudes, we are back from the library which turns out was really fucking boring and now we’re going to 7…”  
“11.” Bomb finished.  
“Right. 7/11.”  
“I’m hungry. “  
“What do you even get at 7/11?”  
“Like, fuckin’, slurpees, and hot dogs and shit. “  
“Fuck is a slurpee?”

*Crash is an idiot.gif*  
Neon green text in comic sans moved like a wave and read “7/11 is a great man”

“Alright, we are at…” Crash stared blankly into the camera.  
“Seven-eleven. “  
“Right. And here we are with-“ he gestured to the machine with his drill, “the slurpee machine. “  
“You know,” bomb man put the camera down, “I saw this thing on Tumblr-“  
“What’s a tambler?”  
“It’s a website for people to complain about stupid shit and gay people to post their fictional crushes. “  
“Ah, okay, continue. “  
He picked up a few candy bars and dropped them into a Slurpee cup, Crash frowned,  
“What the heck are you doing?”  
Bomb had a cheshire grin on his face, he plopped the cup under “blue raspberry” flavor and filled the cup until you couldn’t see the candy bars. Then picked up the lid, plopped it on, and filled it up even more so it filled the dome plastic lid on top as well.  
“Boom.”

Crash looked at him quizzically as his eyes shifted from the cup to his face, “what was the point of that?”  
“The candy bar in the slurpee. So you DON’T have to pay for those.”  
“...Isn’t that stealing?”  
“Yeah. So?”  
“Stealing is wrong.” he crossed his arms, a little awkwardly as the tips of his drills dug into his arms.  
“It’s just a candy bar. They won’t miss it.”  
“If it’s just a candy bar, why don’t you just pay for it.”

Bomb opened his mouth, closed it, looked at crash, narrowed his eyes at the floor, looked back at crash, opened his mouth, and finally closed it back before admitting defeat.  
“Hm. Whatever. Too late now. Here, take this.”  
Crash awkwardly held the cup between his two drills, his back straight and eyes wide as he stared, as some of the blue filling spurted out on the top and dribbled down the side, lid only halfway on.

“Cherry, coke, or blue raspberry?”  
“I’ll take uh, cherry.”  
“Al-”  
The cup slipped from Crash’s “hands” and fell to the ground, with a dull thwack, and the blue liquid spilled out all over the floor, and the cold wet chocolate bars with it.

“HEY!” the cashier yelled at them.  
“SHIT!”  
Bomb grabbed the camera and booked that shit, “LET’S GET OUT OF HERE CRASH!”  
He followed, and they didn’t stop running until they were far away.

“Guess we should wrap this episode then.” Said bomb holding the camera.  
“I guess.  
* WRAP-UP TIME. MOV*

Flames erupted around the words “CONCLUSION” in comic sans and a gif of a skeleton drinking a soda plays. 

 

“Looks like we can’t go back there ever again. So, uh, Crashman.”  
“Yeah, home fry?”  
“Fans have been asking, what’s the man behind the explosion like?”  
His expression went dumb, “Uh.”  
“What do you like? You know, shit like that.”  
“I like men.”  
“Oh yeah, you do. Are you still pining for Rockman?”  
“A man can dream. “ he sighed and a dreamy expression spread across his face, “he’s hot. “  
“No judge. A bro always has his bros back. Pride month baby. “  
“You know, I don't think we need an entire month. Maybe like a day may-”  
“Shh, SHH SHUT UP, SHUT THE FUCK UP CRASH!”

*we’ll be right back. gif*  
The screen is black except for the plain white text in Arial font that says  
“We’  
;ll be  
Ri  
Ght ba  
ck”

“And that was this weeks episode of JACK-BUTT! See you next time!”

*roll credits.mov*

WE GO TO 7/111!!!! (EPIC FAIL)  
Views: 113

(5) Comments:

“Wow, this is really retarrded. and gay. Subscrived.”

“I hope next episode Bomb and Crash realize their sexual tension and kiss on cam;;;;”  
-> “Dude, what.”- Crash

“Lmao, he has a crush on Rockman?! That’s gross.”  
->” I hope you’re happy, Crash read this and has been crying the past 2 hours. Fuck you”- Bomb.


	2. The blastman saga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blastman vs Jack-butt and their wild and zany antics.

“Suck my WEE-WEE BLAST MAN!!!  
Views: 104

The entire video is a minute and 30 seconds of them screaming and Crash breaks Bomb’s skateboard for the second time.  
“CATCH THESE FUCKING HANDS DICK-MAN!!!”

(4) Comments:

Blast-dude 101: “Fucking fight me.”  
->Jack-butt official: “(૭ ◉༬◉)૭⁾⁾⁾⁾”  
\-->Blast-dude 101: “Alright, meet me in the Wendy's parking lot at 12, you know which one, I’m going to write about how bad I kicked your ass in my magazine.”  
\--->Jack-butt official: “ur on gay ass.”

  


“FIGHTING BLAST MAN IN THE WENDY’S PARKING LOT!!!”

The video begins with crash yelling at blast to suck his dick, and quickly evolves into a free-for-all with explosions and bombs nuking the parking lot. The video ends with Crash tackling Blast man and screaming.

Views: 1.1k

It had become their most viewed video.

  


“Blastman is actually kinda kewl *sunglasses emoji*”  
Views: 908

“Alright we’re here, Jack-butt is here.” Bomb man said behind the camera, “and we have something to say.”  
“Yeah,” Crash agreed.  
“BLAST IS FUCKING EPIC!” they both screamed, Blast came into the scene wearing sunglasses and holding a six pack of E-tanks.  
“EXPLOSIONS IS ART!!!”  
“HELL YEAH THEY ARE!” Crash screamed  
“AYO, CREATE SOME ART!” Bomb yelled.  
After a moment Blastman threw a bomb into a tattered old building. It broke apart into a fiery explosion that was a vivid multitude of colors.

They all screamed and whooped and hollered, “I’M GOING TO WRITE ABOUT THIS!!! I CAN FEEL THE INSPIRATION COURSING THROUGH MY CIRCUITS!!!”  
“WRITE-ING! WRITE-ING! WRITE-ING!” Crash and Bomb egged him on as he scribbled furiously, and after a minute, he screamed, “THIS IS MY GREATEST MASTERPIECE!”

“FUCK YEAH BLAST MAN!!!”  
He got too excited and it disintegrated in his hands.  
“Aw nuts.”  
“You can write it again can’t you?”  
“I guess, but it won’t be the same….”  
“Aw…” Crash gave him the :/ look.  
“Oh well.” Bomb shrugged, “LET’S PARTY!”  
“Yeah, yeah! Can I invite my bros?!”  
“Hell yeah, invite your bros! Mine are lame as hell.”

The video ends with Quick man gulping down e-tanks being poured down his throat in a beer-funnel.  
“GO! GO! GO! GO!” Quick fell to the ground, coughing up the liquid all over himself, while everyone cheered. Heatman who was on fire, Woodman with his pet squirrel, and Bubbleman in a portable fishtank, Airman with his fan clogged with leaves, and regular old Metalman.  
“FUCK YOU QUICK MAN!” Flashman suddenly screamed.  
“SUCK MY SOCKET-ASS FLASH!” Quick tackled Flash to the ground and Crash got in front of the camera,  
“So Guys this has been Jack-Butt signing off-”  
Quick and Flash knock into Crash and the video cuts out.

(10) Comments:

Blast-dude 101: “That was fucking nuts, we should do this again sometime.”  
-> Jack-butt official: “Fuck yeah my dude.- Crash and Bomb.”

Flashback: “You should do a vid of me kicking quick’s ass.”  
-> Fastest_thing_alive: “Say that to my fucking face.”  
\-->Flashback: “Oh I will.”  
\---> Jack-butt official: “Do I need to tell Wily y'all been fighting again, I have video evidence.- Crash”  
\----> Fastest_thing_alive: “Fuck off Crash.”  
\----->Jack-butt official: “No u.- Crash.”

Fireboi-6969: “Lmao that was wild. I’m going to bbq soon, u should come.”  
\-->Jack-butt official: ”Sounds lit- Bomb.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I said maybe, and it is no longer a maybe, lmao lmao l-m-a-o.  
> It's fun to write to get my mind off the fact i'm supposed to be writing serious shit. Plus it's quick. It's just. Nice. Yeah?


	3. Blast ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blastman writes a novel and they go out to find ghosts (eventually)

Blastman writes a novel!  
Views: 108

The video begins with filming the back of Blastman as he pools over pages of and scribbling something. After a moment he crunches up a piece of paper and throws it into an overflowing wastebasket.

“Hey Blast!” Bomb chirps, “What's going-”

“Jesus CHRIST Bomb man!” Blast man jumps and slams his arm on the desk in frustration, “Do you ever fucking knock?! What the HELL do you want?”

“Don’t get so pissy man.” Said Crash.

“Oh like you can talk.”

Bomb quickly spoke up before the video transcended into another screaming match, “What's going on? Whatcha writing?”

“It’s November.”

Crash looked at the calendar on the wall. “It indeed is.”

Blast rolls his eyes at them, “November is National Novel Writing Month.”

“And I was supposed to know that because…?”

Blast ignored him, “Trying to write a novel on the history of pyrotechnics but the words just won’t come. At this rate, I’ll be as old as Wily before it’s finished.”

“Hm…”

“Hmmmmm….”

“Maybe you need a break.” Bomb said.

“Yeah, maybe. Anything cool going on?”

“Cut’s throwing a party.”

“Fuck Cut he’s lame.” Crash butted in, “His parties suck ass and his taste in music is trash. He plays fuckin’ Obama Harry Potter Trap Remix’s.”

 

“I’m sorry he plays what?!”

“I SAID! HE PLAYS OBAMA HARRY POTTER TRAP REMIXES!” Crash screamed, face red.

“WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?”

“Aw Jesus not this again…” Bomb muttered.

“FUCK YOU!”

“SUCK MY ASS BOMB!”

The video ends with another screaming explosion match.

Comments ():

Kung-fu-Cut-Man: “Hey! My music doesn’t suck! You guys are just mean :((((“  
->Jack-butt official: “Suck my dick- Crash.”

Roru-chan: “Quit harassing Cut- btw ur vids suck.”  
->” The only reason I’m not going over there to kick ur ass is because I don’t want to be whacked by your broom. I’m not scared of Megaman.-Bomb.”

 

Finding the ghost that haunts the mines! (((Gone wrong gone sexshual))))))(((part1)))  
Views: 506

The video starts out with Bomb flipping through a photo album.

“Who’s that guy?”

The camera sits on a table, so both Crash and Bomb are in frame. Crash points at a picture of Protoman.

“Oh, I dunno.” Bomb shrugged.

“You don’t know who that is?!” Topman gasps and leans over them both. They look at each other and both give him a disgusted look.

“Do you mind? We’re trying to do something over here-”

“Gemini man says he’s the ghost that haunts the mines where he works at! He says that he appears and disappears with the full moon.”

“That’s stupid," both Bomb and Crash say while looking very interested.

“It’s true It’s true! Look!”

Topman shows an image of Gemini taking a selfie, smiling and holding up a peace sign. In the background is Protoman staring directly at them.

“Creepy…” They both shudder.

“Right?! Totes creepy!”

“Yeah uh, could you not say that-”

“Let’s all go out to find it!”

“Uh I think the fuck not, we’re going but your ass staying here.”

“Oh. Okay then.”

The video cuts off with a message saying: “LOOOK OUT 4 PARTB 2@!!!!”

Proto: “You guys do realize I’m not dead right?”  
->Jackbutt Offical: “Who the fuck are you?-Bomb”  
\-->Proto: “the ghost in the video.”  
\--->Jack-butt Offical: “Jjdufjfuifuif HOLY SHIT gjosts watch our videos?!”  
\---->Proto: “You gotta be fucking kidding me.”

Mega-hi!: “Guys, Protoman is my brother- he’s not dead.”  
->” Can you please return my calls Megaman? Ily. <3- Crash”  
\-->Mega-hi!: “No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot abotu this whooops


End file.
